whimpers of a sometime-insomiac

how difficult is it to be girl? you can see traces down history how women were held down and not able to reach their full potential because of "gender limits".

times have changed, indeed. now, you cannot deny that women rock whatever field they choose to be in (read: we even get to choose! unlike before, ladies are always told and must follow what's "good" for them). i still have one thing in mind, though. in the courtship department : do women get to be in the same level as men? should we still speak of what's proper and acceptable by society? or do we simply follow our heart and act according to how we really feel?

are we allowed now to take the first step? is it okay if we tell the other person how we feel or just play things by ear? you know, just the old, conservative way of things - not a word until the guy makes the move. i think it's not society that has a problem with these things. it's just the way one was brought up that would always get in the way of their actions. it's what is acceptable by the principles and the culture that you have. and at the same time, if you grew up being the nice girl everyone is so proud of, the girl who always followed the rules and made the old folks happy - then it would be quite difficult moving out of the conservative aura you have been inside of for the last 3 decades.

okay, i'm being too deep about this. i was just simply thinking - i suspect you already know that i would always look at you (secretly! i tried my best to not be so obvious!) when we run into each other in the pantry. i have a faint hope that if we see each other somewhere, you will recognize me and say, "hey". i do dream about you - more frequent this past week. i always want to know if you made it to work, and if not, i'll be forever anxious and uneasy until i find you online (this is stalking, i know... i'm sorry..) i cannot count how may times my fingers itched to send you an email or hit that Add button in your pofile. but i think i know what's holding me back.. it's not being conventional or shy... i dont think i'm ready to be rejected by the only one i seriously ever hoped to be the one i share my life with...