National Harana Day <3

First of all, let me just admit that I am completely and utterly addicted to the Sir Chief-Maya love team. They make me feel like it's high school all over again! <3 data-blogger-escaped-br=""> I'm lying here now after a long day at work. All day I was so excited about my daily evening rendezvous with the cutest show on earth. When i saw the teaser last night, i couldn't stop feeling giddy. My best friend at work would always talk to me about the show because she's very well aware that I love it so much!
For the past weeks, our lovebirds haven't been well - they had an ugly argument (and yes, I was so affected that I was crying with Maya for a solid week!)
Fhebe, my friend, and I would discuss this situation as if our life depended on it! Haha! She would say Maya is being too difficult, while I, although I would trade my Reese's peanut butter cups and caramel macchiato to get Sir Chief to smile, was completely on Maya's side. I guess they're just both so effective in their respective roles that I actually caught the mood and the emotions I felt while watching really reached the deepest chambers of my heart (and my tear ducts, too!)
And today!!! The long, agonizing wait is over! That dreaded five-letter word finally rolled off Sir Chief's beautiful lips! *faints*
He not only did the traditional harana while looking intently at Maya (whose hair length suddenly reached Pagudpod from Mindoro!).
I was so affected that I thought I died and lived again when he touched Maya's shoulder and said "I'm sorry". I had my face buried on a pillow while this happened. Well, only because I didn't want my family to panic with me screaming in my room!
I'm so relieved they're finally okay but I'm worried because Maya is still resigning. :'(

I can't wait for it to be Monday already! Thank God for the creative minds behind this show! It's truly a breath of fresh air for my oh-so-stressed self. :)

second thoughts

I'm generally a very conservative person - old-fashioned, relaxed, slow to change. I take things rather slowly - never rushing or wanting to tweak what have been the practice since it began.

I stayed in my first company for eight years. I was clueless when I set foot in that office in 2004. The things that happened in the duration of my stay tested me well. Sure, I've had my moments of shock, denial, and resistance but I've also collected enough cheers, pride, and friendship. When it was announced that I will be included in the list of people to be outsourced, I really felt the world was closing in on me. I was lost and I wasn't sure of what I would do. The only thing certain is that all the habits formed in my eight-year affair with Mr.Moller, Wynsum Plaza, and Emerald Avenue will have to cease - and no, I wasn't ready for it.

Since there wasn't much choice left for me and all the others, I signed a new contract with an IT company. Thinking about it now, I realized the biggest thing i was afraid of - no, make that the ONLY thing I was afraid of is losing a regular source of income. I was so hopeful that things will get better, that I will learn to love what I was tasked to do. I did learn to understand the people around me more. But the constant exposure to negativity is taking a toll on me now. The positive aura I wanted to slowly inject to my peers' system is starting to flutter.

I have indirectly given a hint to the most important team in my life that I want to move out of that work den. Yes, I'm speaking about my family. They are, after all, the biggest reason why I'm working anyway.

I'll be turning thirty in a few months and at night one question keeps me awake - When will I finally start living my life? I hope before the day I hit the big 3-o, I will come to terms with myself and be able to get enough courage to steer towards another direction - the not-so-famous choice this time.

I think I've earned it to finally break the rules I've set for myself and leave, if not all, a chunk of my conventional-self in the past.

Piazza after dark

I've been working in Taguig for almost a year. But it was only yesterday, as I walked to the piazza, when I really saw how beautiful Mckinley is. The cool breeze was an added treat, and the drizzle from the fountain brought me back to life. Things may not always be how I want them to be, but there's a whole world outside every corner of depression, want, frustration, and worthlessness. And I should always remember that a star's brightness can only be seen when it's dark. And after the darkest hour of the night, morning comes. :)

hooked

I hate Mondays. Well, I used to until this series came and completely erased whatever aversion I had with weekdays in general. I just can't get enough of the story! And it's so effective because I would always cry, giggle, cry again, laugh and cry some more as if on cue! Yes, I'm going crazy! Haha!!! But i don't mind :))
I'll be in Brunei this coming week for a 2-day vacation. But with the power of technology, I'll make sure my late night dates with Ser Chief are not postponed :)

I'm sorry, but I just find it amazing how a man sleeping on a table with bunny-ears can manage not to lose an ounce of appeal. On the contrary, it was multiplied ten-fold! <3

My Guilty Pleasure

Most of my friends don't know that I love watching romantic comedies and chick-flicks. I appeal to them as someone who'd rather see wrestling mania, basketball, and action/sci-fi movies. Although I do enjoy those stuff, too, I'm a girl through and through- forever giggly and teary-eyed as my rom-com movies close.

I've seen You've got Mail for over 20 times. I will never get tired of Shopgirl and NY152. I cried watching Sam Coulson enter the baseball field to tell Josie he's in love with her. I will forever be in love with Ireland because she breeds men like Gerry Kennedy who, even after death made sure the love of his life is never alone.

When I was in college, I got hooked with San Cai and Dao Ming Si. Yes, I'm a Meteor Garden addict! I'm such a sucker for the kilig factor and I always find a bit of myself in the headstrong lady protagonist (I'm sure I'm not alone here!).

A few months back, I woke up to see my Mama's face glued to the laptop screen. I lazily poked my face to see what she's up to. That was when I got introduced to Maya and Sir Chief. They're too cute and the plot is very light - no violence, sex, & greed. Just good vibes and 1 million milligrams of kilig! I stay up late during weekdays to catch the replays. I hunt youtube and facebook for the teasers and play them on repeat! I just can't get enough of it! I found someone who makes a compilation of the month's episode and stitch it together to make a music video using the songs I grew up listening to. Yes, I'm so hooked i was one of the millions who cried watching last January 4's episode. Although I love Sir Chief dearly, I felt my heart was wrenched and I hated him for what the scripts told him to say. I was so heartbroken that my fingers fumbled to find the blog of the show's fans where they submit their stories. I was so relieved reading some of those and how they would want our love birds to make up. Without that blog site, I would have been awake until morning nursing my wounded heart :'(

I went online this afternoon to check if they have the teaser for Monday up. And they didn't fail me :) I've been playing the 46-second video for at least 20 times already. And i'm sure it should be able to tide me over until tomorrow night.

Post-Christmas Visit

I spent yesterday as I usually would - with my family and 50 songs lined up in the videoke machine :)
I got a late night unexpected sundo from my barkadas for life. At first i was a bit sungit and the idea of them popping in at 11pm was not very welcome. But i did have a great time. I love those girls to bits:)
Then you - you came very early in the morning. Smiling in my dreams - i missed you even more <3

thank God, i'm from the bundoks!

I got home at around 10PM. As i checked my FB account, I saw a post about a meteor shower which had me running downstairs to check the night sky.

As I stood facing east, i saw a falling star, slightly obscured by the leaves of one of our trees. It was still beautiful though. So I stayed outside looking up, with the cool December breeze brushing my cheeks. The second one I saw fully. The magic of the universe...

What a way to end the day after the my awesome 12.12.12.

Lessons from Life :)

I used to tell myself and my friends with so much conviction, "The only caramel macchiato I could love if the one from Starbucks!". I was ruled by this principle for so long already, my SB caramel mac is blood in my veins.

I have tried a cup of this from Coffee Bean some years back. I didn't like it. I was so biased with my love for the one brewed by SB, I never ordered that beverage from Coffee Bean since. ( I fell in love with their Chai Latte, though.. I have yet to try that from SB).

Then last week, my friend needed stickers so I went to get coffee with her. Something came over me and I decided I should give CB caramel mac another chance :) See, SB is sooooooo far from the office, unlike CB which is just across the road.

I don't know if it was my positive mood, or the brew was just different from that in the Ortigas branch, but the moment I took a sip, there were fireworks! Hahaha! I loved it!

So my emotera-self realized it's something I could relate to life in general. Here's my epiphany (brought about my cup of coffee):

Sometimes, you will tell yourself that you can only love that one thing. That nothing will ever come close to replacing it and it's role in your life. But when you have lived your days quite long enough without it, you will learn to appreciate something new. #superextrachos

Yes, there's like that :)

an urge of random-ness

I woke up later than i intended to. My schedule has been really erratic lately - not allowing me to get my usual seven hours of sleep a day. Thankfully, my crankiness has been hibernating (okay, except yesterday) and I'm still able to smile and laugh with the people around me. They're not really used to seeing me quiet (i think). No one believes me when I say I'm really an introvert. Oh, well.. :)

I had a little field trip before going to the office this morning. I decided I wanted a cup of my favorite coffee beverage in the whole wide world. I don't know what got into me - why I circumnavigated Market! Market! just to get to the Starbucks store, which I could easily reach if I walked the other way. Sometimes, some me-time (yes, I consider that me-time! I'm crazy this way!) helps. Although I'm not sure that it helped clear my head, at least I know I felt okay about it and now I'm sipping may caramel mac with bliss :)

i fell in love with Loboc

Last Sunday, I was able to cross out another item in my bucket list - Lunch in Loboc Floating Restaurant. The moment the ferry sailed its way to Bohol, I was already in awe of how beautiful the ocean is. It was drizzling that morning, but I felt safe. I didn't mind being showered with rain water on my face. :)
 

Although the hanging bridge left my knees reeling from so much fright, the scenic view of the countryside was such a wonder to behold. I could drive around Bohol for a week and I wouldn't mind one bit.

I'll stop talking now and let the pictures do the talking.









Man-made forest












 













i want to have a picture taken sitting on this road







i'm definitely coming back to see you again, Loboc!



reflections from lent

I miss the olden days - when as a kid i despise the holy week so much because there is nothing left to watch on the telly. These days, you have everything! Cartoons in the morning, movies, documentaries and what have you. I miss the days when the only treat i could get was The Ten Commandments, Quo Vadis and nothing else. :(

So Maundy Thursday came and i was late from work. I did not anticipate (how could i not?) that it would be a problem going home because of the throng of people walking from all sides of the metro to Antipolo. The fanaticism was hurting my head, especially since most of the people walking didn't look like they we're in it for the essence of pure sacrifice. Groups of teenagers passed me by and they would either be (a) taking pictures, (b) hugging their partners (c) shouting for no apparent reason, or (d) running and bumping people along the way.

I was at home by 10:30pm, thanks to kuya who came to the rescue. There was this documentary on TV, about a poor barrio where kids had to endure shortage on school desks. They had to walk kilometers of dirt from home going to the school buildings and they would have to spend the whole day sitting on the floor, no desks, no chairs, nothing to support their backs during the length of the school day. :(

One kid had to bring her own chair everyday , to and from school, scared that someone will take it when she leaves it in their classroom. She's lucky, though her chair is not comfortable because it has no back support, at least she doesn't have to sit on the cold floor. In the middle of the story, i started crying. I realized how lucky i was, that even if I was in public school for the duration of my primary years, i did not have those problems. I have a good desk, i have roof above my head, i have books, i have pens, paper and everything i needed. One barrio did not even have paper and pencils for the kids. They had to chop down banana leaves on the way to school and use it as paper while charcoals would be their pens :'( And these are the kids who are so intent on finishing their studies - despite the lack of support :'(

whimpers of a sometime-insomiac

how difficult is it to be girl? you can see traces down history how women were held down and not able to reach their full potential because of "gender limits".

times have changed, indeed. now, you cannot deny that women rock whatever field they choose to be in (read: we even get to choose! unlike before, ladies are always told and must follow what's "good" for them). i still have one thing in mind, though. in the courtship department : do women get to be in the same level as men? should we still speak of what's proper and acceptable by society? or do we simply follow our heart and act according to how we really feel?

are we allowed now to take the first step? is it okay if we tell the other person how we feel or just play things by ear? you know, just the old, conservative way of things - not a word until the guy makes the move. i think it's not society that has a problem with these things. it's just the way one was brought up that would always get in the way of their actions. it's what is acceptable by the principles and the culture that you have. and at the same time, if you grew up being the nice girl everyone is so proud of, the girl who always followed the rules and made the old folks happy - then it would be quite difficult moving out of the conservative aura you have been inside of for the last 3 decades.

okay, i'm being too deep about this. i was just simply thinking - i suspect you already know that i would always look at you (secretly! i tried my best to not be so obvious!) when we run into each other in the pantry. i have a faint hope that if we see each other somewhere, you will recognize me and say, "hey". i do dream about you - more frequent this past week. i always want to know if you made it to work, and if not, i'll be forever anxious and uneasy until i find you online (this is stalking, i know... i'm sorry..) i cannot count how may times my fingers itched to send you an email or hit that Add button in your pofile. but i think i know what's holding me back.. it's not being conventional or shy... i dont think i'm ready to be rejected by the only one i seriously ever hoped to be the one i share my life with...

after a stressful day

with office time finally over, i was on my way to one of my favorite places in the world - Ortigas Center. :)

I met my good friend Nathalie, then proceeded to Malayan lounge to catch AI results night. Bad news was, there was a disco party upstairs and we can barely hear the TV :'( Our initial plan was to have coffee, linger over it as we always do. It's always just SB or CBTL for us. But last night, we went to a pasta place in Ortigas Park (unfortunately, my failing memory strikes once again and i can't remember the name). Natz and I are being extra good these past days, and would regularly have Caesar's salad over our usual pasta/pizza/coffee combo.

I took pictures of the food (yummy!) although I rather imagined a bigger slab of fish for our dig... But it was still good, especially if shared over a nice conversation between two friends who missed seeing each other sooooooo much! (yeah, and btw, we just had dinner the night before with our office friends! haha!)

a much better Wednesday

First of all, my meat penne was a success! Second, i came into the office, my friend approached me to ask if i wanted to take a customer's call. Instinctively, I realized what she was trying to say :)) It was him! The person that went "missing" yesterday is back!!! :) as you can see, i can't stop smiling :))
Though in the work-department, nothing has really improved or even changed a teeny weeny bit, one thought kept me moving. He's still there. :)) 
and yeah, i'm certainly going crazy :))

My Tuesday Report

Tuesday. It was so difficult dragging myself out of bed this morning. I got up at 6.30am, 2 hours later than usual, but i paced with no hint of hurry. I took my sweet time sipping coffee and taking a bath afterwards. I left the house at around 8am, an hour later than i should. Again, no urgency felt. It's like my mind was adrift elsewhere, to where i don't know.

I was lucky to arrive in the office 2 minutes before the start of my shift. Heaven is being forgiving :) My friend was already there. We suddenly began talking about our plans. We're just a month old in the office (we were outsourced). But all the gut feel i had when i first met the people i'm to work with are sadly true. My hunches are not nice, that's why i kept them to myself. I didn't want to rant in front of my team and spread negativity. I wanted all of us to try and give change a chance. But you know how it feels like to be working your a*s off and still it seems like there is NOTHING being appreciated and actually noticed? It's not a nice thing - but this early I'm feeling this and so does my friend (out goes my theory that i'm still bitter over the business move that kicked me out of my 1st company). WORK DEPARTMENT: FAILing

On other news, I have this crush (ewwww... so highschool!!!). I have developed this scary habit of searching for him ever morning when i log in and then a few more times within the day. i was able to find him yesterday, but he was late. Shift was 10am but he came in 10.30am (okay, you can freak out. but i have done nothing else, i promise! making sure he's in the office is the worst!) Today, i was waiting for him as usual. But when i searched, i couldn't find his name *gasp*. I swear, i got worried. I'm still worried. I have a partner in crime - Nathalie, who contacted me in the afternoon to tell me she couldn't find his name and she thinks he's resigned :'( I felt numb (promise, this is really weird). It was like the only think link that binds us was purposely snatched. I couldn't work even more after that. Where could he be? What happened to him? I can only wish he was not terminated... What would happen to our future is he keeps on switching jobs??? Chos! hahaha! Great, im really turning into a madwoman! HEART DEPARTMENT: FALLing

Rainy days and Sundays always get me down

Talking to myself and feeling old. Sometimes, I'd like to quit, nothing ever seems to fit. Running around, nothing to do but frown. Rainy days and Sundays always get me down.

let me borrow the lines (and change one word) from one of my favorite singers - Miss Carpenter. Sundays... I used to love this day years before. It's cartoon-all-I-want-day. But now, it's only known to me as your-weekend-is-almost-over-day :'(

And now, to make it worse, it started raining!!! Old music plays from the radio, the only vice my parents have that i surprisingly enjoy. So for the rest of this day, i'll just feast my ears on some lovely (though really, really old) tunes, a cup of coffee beside me and a stack of books that i have started reading years,months,days ago. :-)) maybe it's time my little procrastinating self finish Pride and Prejudice so i can start with Mr. Darcy's Diary.

So, okay, for now - i will let the rain sing with my pensive mood on this 3rd your-weekend-is-almost-over-day.

moving out seemed good... until now...

Since there was nothing i could do about it, i left 24F Wynsum Corportae Plaza in Ortigas Center. On February 14, i was not only spending Valentine's as a single lady, i was "alone" in my new office.
Mckinley is a nice place, this i cannot deny. But Ortigas, my home of 8 years, will always be the most beautiful place to go to work to.  <*tears*>
The first weeks, it was adjustments all over - the long commute, the new place, the people, the ambiance in the office. Everything looked odd to me. As days go by though, I realized that the trip seemed shorter going to Taguig than to Ortigas (To where if i left the house by 7.30am, i'll arrive by 9.30am!). For someone still in denial and resistance of the change, this is a really good thing.
I don't really judge people, but I do get this first-impression-register stacked behind my mind. And sometimes, my impressions are correct (and this brings me dismay most of the time). I think it's because of these that I end up expecting - which leaves me beat in the end. More often than not, expectations are not met.
This early, there are some things you discover that are not acceptable - based on values and principles. This is natural, crooked policies are everywhere. But what's surprising here is how people in position can just look beyond "tampering" and orders you to write something to make "tampering" a legal and standard SOP. >_<
But I'm not giving up this early. I can't just stand aside and let this happen. We'll see...

i'm being kicked out of my zone!

January 2004
I started my year training for my new team. I waited months for this. I was hired on September 2003, but we were not to start until 2004. I arrived at 7am, training starts at 8. (I was really ever punctual, i'm not sure what happened after some years! lol!) I met my friends, most i'm still in touch with today. About 6 months into the job, i was moved to another function. I felt empowered, since my new teammates were team leads from other trades. Sadly, this team of all-stars was dissolved, and i was back to Manifests come 2006.

September 2006
I made a bold move. I clicked "Apply" in our company's intranet. I landed a new role in the "greener pasture". Thus, my career as chat support Joyce was born. I enjoyed being able to help people with their problems. Somehow, I felt the business depended on me and the rest of my team. Because, without us, who would help the front office confirm bookings, reroute products and send copies of manifests? Who would help Sales process contracts and make sure we charge the right amount? Who would make sure the invoices are printed on time with the correct ROE? Ah, yes! the blissful feeling of being needed.

December 2006
Still in the "greener pasture". I got an early call from my supervisor, "bring your passport when you come in later. You're going to India." Whoah! India! I'm going to ride a plane! Yeeee! I was so happy. This was the start of my jet-setting career! haha! This was my ticket to bigger opportunities. The system i went to training for got me most of what i have (experiences!)

November 2007
My first time to travel alone. I was sent to Singapore for 4 days. Not bad at all! It was such an expensive city,  but really beautiful. I loved my hotel room so much and my late night bubble-bath soak :-)

February 2008
My dreams came true. I boarded a plane to London! A very long flight, but i didn't mind a bit. I was so excited and scared at the same time. I stayed for 3 months. The highlights? The moment i set foot in England, it was a freezing 0 degrees Celsius! Wow! On our way to our flats, we passed by Buckingham Palace and the  Tower of London! Again, WOW! My London experience is beyond words. It was very liberating. My favorite tour was the out-of-London trip. We went to Bath, Windsor and Salisbury. Yes! Hello Stonehenge! i got postcard-worthy pictures! We took the John the Ripper walking tour, which was absolutely awesome. I love the gossip, the thrill, the almost-truth behind the story. While taking our long overdue bus tour, it snowed! another wow moment! We took the Beatles walking tour as well. And of course London Eye and the Wax Museum and The Tower of London tour! We got to see the crown jewels, and it got really creepy while inside the Bloody Tower (wohooo!). I went home on April 20 - this was after my generous manager took me on a drive to Kent and Dover. She's a nice lady, my English mum :)

August 2008
They got me back! When i thought things could not get any better, i was sent back to London. I flew business class, aha! :-) Talk about firsts! I will always remember the pancakes they served in the plane. I met a Filipina lady on the plane. She is bound to Cardiff in Wales. She's a kind lady, i met her daughter and grandson when they came to pick her up. We exchanged numbers to keep in touch. Unfortunately (or fortunately), my pick-up didn't arrive. I made a few calls, and decided i will take the Tube instead. So i walked, dragging my 30-kg suitcase along. I think i took 3 line transfers, and was helped by a couple of good Samaritans to carry my suitcase up a huge flight of stairs going to the train. It was raining that day. After 1 hour and 45 minutes, i finally got off the Aldgate Station. After asking for directions, i managed to find my hotel. Yay! I made it! After i checked in, i sent a text message to my new Nanay in Wales, thanking them for talking to me while waiting for my sundo. They replied and invited me to come visit them on November 7 (Nanay's Birthday). So yeah, i was back in London, and i booked my visit to Wales, too. I only spent 6GBP for my round-trip bus ticket. That was really cheap. :-) Aside from this, my generous manager took me to watch football! Chelsea! yeah! it couldn't have been any better.

2008 was my travel year. The next trip i got was very recent. August 1-5, 2011, i went to Chennai, India. I saw the longest shoreline ever! It was a beautiful place. I really love it. And i love Indian food :-)) i really do.

But just 3 weeks ago, i got wind we are being outsourced. IT support, i mean. Come 2nd week of December, people from my "new" office will be coming to give us job offers. And despite all the beautiful things that happened to me in the "greener pasture", i think i will accept.

Change is good. I just have to keep repeating this to myself over and over to convince my heart it is. Because it's not a nice feeling to leave my friends and home of 8 years that easily. I felt like i was being kicked out. Like they don't want me anymore. Like they don't need me. I have never imagined myself leaving the "greener pasture" - at least not like this...

you made me want to write again

i think i'm in love
with your charming wit
and the things that you say
which i find all too sweet
your laughter that flows
like a brook in spring time
and your scream so girly
i'm not sure i could mime ;)
your sensitive side you're not
ashamed to bare
makes you more endearing
one worthy of much care
i think it's not helping
if i always come to hear
what you have to say each morning
as my head you start to clear
putting a face on the voice
i love doing each time
you're as pretty as your rhymes
a man so damn fine <3

MMK

so i was watching another MMK episode tonight. i am giving myself a huge tap on the back because i did not cry buckets this time (okay, maybe just 2 drops short of a bucket). 

i was feeling more warmth. such a beautiful love story - not knowing differences in culture, race, country, status - just love in its purest, most unselfish form. <sigh>